My Bloody Valentine 3-D

So it appears that kitschy cinema fad, 3-D has reared it's head to the moviegoing public yet again, and this time with a vengeance. Not since the early 1980's have there been this many flinch-inducing, headache machines being released in such a rapid succession. Starting with last year's Beowulf, this summer's line-up looks to be packed with image-poppery (Dreamworks' Monsters vs. Aliens and Disney/Pixar's Up leading the charge,) though the most successful projects seem to only be animated. Thus far, I've only seen one of the two live-action 3-D movies to come out, and that movie was My Bloody Valentine.

Now, I must warn you. This movie is absolutely terrible. Possibly one of the worst movies I've ever seen. But I'll be damned if I didn't have the best time ever while hating this movie. There is absolutely no reason to see this movie unless you're in a theater with those ridiculously awkward glasses draped across your nose. The acting is shoddy, the plot is practically non-existent, the dialog is laughable, etc. etc. ad nauseum. While this makes for a terrible horror movie (or movie in general) this is almost the perfect comedy. Probably because no one knew they were making a comedy. It's quite possible I laughed harder at this movie than during Tropic Thunder or Pineapple Express (key word, laugh AT, not WITH.) Jason Friedberg and Aaron Seltzer should take notes from this MBV because this is what true parody looks like.

The plot is inconsequential, really. A bunch of teens get murdered at a party at a local mine (apparently, that's the only place to party in the middle of nowhere town that this takes place in.) Murderer wears a mining suit and mask, uses a pick-axe, we've seen it all before. Flashforward ten years or so, the "friends" that survived find themselves being stalked and murdered by a similar killer. Yes, it's THAT original (after all, this IS a remake, kind of.) The kills are many, the ending is cheap but let me tell you why this is so awesome.

Aside from the veritable buffet of laughs this flick serves up, the 3-D was absolutely awesome. There were several points where I found myself actually ducking in my seat to avoid being hit in the face by whatever the character just hurled toward the screen (eyeball, pistol, tiny yapping dog...) In addition to that kind of awesomeness, the scenes that did absolutely NOTHING for the 3-D aspect became that much more funny due to the fact that it makes you feel as if you're ACTUALLY a part of the mundane, contrived BS conversations and arguments the characters are laboriously trudging through.

Again, there is absolutely no reason to see this movie unless it's huge and 3-D. And two months after the fact, I say, good luck. Does Blu-Ray have 3-D capability? Let's hope so. And it might be cheaper than a movie theater considering they charge something like $2 for those stupidly clunky glasses.