Percy Jackson and the Olympians: The Lightning Thief

They say lightning never strikes twice. In regard to Percy Jackson and the Olympians colon The Lightning Thief, the true thief is, in fact, Harry Potter himself. It seems the studios have been churning out countless one off duds since Pottermania turned a decent profit almost ten years ago. However Young Adult fantasy franchises seem to hit the big screen and fail to draw an audience, the inexplicable phenomenon that is Twilight notwithstanding. So after star studded failures like The Spiderwick Chronicles, The Golden Compass and Eragon, it's no surprise that Percy Danger and the High Voltage Squad colon Electric Boogaloo fails to gain a foothold in the niche that Potter is so close to vacating.

Percy Daggett and the Olympic Medalists colon Thunderstruck brings absolutely nothing new to the table as far as teen fantasy is concerned. Percy is your run of the mill teen that likes to sit at the bottom of the school pool for drowningly extensive periods of time. He soon finds out he's the cross breeded offspring of the Greek God Poseidon. It turns out Zeus' lightning bolt has been stolen and he blames Percy because… well… Why not? This will cause a war among the gods for an unforeseen and never mentioned reason. Percy gets attacked and is sent to Hogwarts… I mean… God Camp to learn how to be a warrior, since that's what gods do. Pierce Brosnan makes a literal horses ass of himself as his Centaur teacher before Percy and his resident Ron and Hermione clones run off to save his mother from Hades, against Camp Rules, of course. There is a stellar cast, the likes of Uma Thurman, Catherine Keener, Rosario Dawson and UK funnyman Steve Coogan tossed in amid the tepid performances of the three lead adolescent characters who meander through their dialog and character arc cliches. Occasionally, a cleverly re-imagined piece of Greek Mythology will surface, but Potter director Chris Columbus gives it so little attention, it's poignancy is lost to make way for the next pratfall or sight gag. With Potter ending within the following year, the Young Adult fantasy market is due for its next moneymaker, though chances are Perry Nuggets and the Neanderthal Clan colon Storm Chasers is not going to be it.